What do you think…..

….  is an important attribute in a friend, wife, husband, partner, family member, or really anyone we have in our lives?  One character trait, or theme actually, that has played out recently in my own life is ‘authenticity’.  Or actually, the lack thereof.

Oh, how someone can ~pretend~ to ‘be all that’ and a bag of Hot Fries (to borrow a popular snack from today’s youth… regular chips are by far too mundane)!  Oh, the pretense (cleverly hidden, of course).  Oh, the ulterior motives (disguised as altruism, of course)!  Oh, the backstabbing and malfeasance!  Sigh…. it is enough to make anyone question the authenticity of nearly ANYONE!

Now, I’m not here to tell you who in your life IS, or is not authentic, but I am here to tell you it might pay to evaluate and consider the ‘iffy’ or ‘unstable’ relationships in your life (if you have any), carefully.  Do you have anyone in your life you are just unsure about, but can’t quite pinpoint why?  Is there someone with whom you spend time, only to find afterward you are mentally and emotionally drained?  It just might be you are dealing with the inauthentic, or at least, someone who might not be on the same page with you (at best), or even someone who means you harm (at worst).  Oh yes, they’re out there.

Here’s the deal though; WE choose who is in (or out) of our personal lives.  Even with family members (oh, I know… those biological ties are STRONG, and so full of ‘obligation’!), friends who have seemed close for a time, acquaintances, neighbors, and on and on….  there can be people in our lives who are just,  plain and simply stated, NOT good for us.  So, why are they IN our lives?  To what degree?  This is the crux of OUR choice; indeed, the very consequence of our decisions.

It is never easy to evaluate when a relationship might be headed south.  Uncom-fortable truths may need addressed, expectations may need modifying, and we may need to assess our OWN responsibility in any relationship.  How do we do that?  By simply LISTENING and honoring our experiences, our gut reactions, our feelings, emotions, and thoughts relative to any singular person in our lives.  How BALANCED is the relationship; is there reciprocity in most areas?  How strong are your boundaries, and are they respected?  Are you feeling taken advantage of, however the pattern doesn’t seem to change (no matter how much you might be told differently)?  If this is the case, with even ONE relationship in your life, you may have some work to do.

This is a start.  This is where it ALL can begin for us…. the realization that something with someone is just not working.  Yes, you’ve tried to talk about it, you’ve bargained, you’ve negotiated, you’ve tried to accept the nature of the relationship and perhaps even told yourself “It’s not all that bad”, or “Things aren’t as bad as they could be”.  Time to stop that nonsense right here, and right now.  Time to really be honest – AUTHENTIC – with yourself, and others.  Time to assess, evaluate, and BE filled with and live with integrity – TO (and for) YOURSELF.  This is where we Move Through, Into Thriving.  This is where it all starts.

More to come on the following topics:

  • Setting strong boundaries
  • Living with authenticity
  • Stop people pleasing behavior
  • Codependent – are you?
  • Feeling fear but moving forward anyway
  • Toxic romantic relationships
  • Toxic family relationships
  • Toxic friendships
  • Personality disorders
  • Surviving abusive relationships
  • Support and counseling options
  • Much more!

Thank you for being here.  It is a great pleasure to offer support, guidance, and encouragement for those who would like to learn how to move through (challenges, stress, difficult relationships, surviving abuse, creating coping strategies, understanding the relationship abuse cycle,  even just ‘daily life’ difficulties, etc.) – into thriving.  It can be done; I’m proof.  Best, L.A.

 

 

10 thoughts on “What do you think…..

  • Oh Leslie that was so awesome! Now that I am four years out, I wish I had read this in the begining! You hit every point right on! Thank you for sharing and inviting me here! Best of luck for the future here. I will be following my friend! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Linda!! Thank you so much for stopping by. There is much more to come, and I am thrilled to have the opportunity to support, encourage and contribute in positive ways to others, through this forum. Healing and recovery can take such a long time; often, support can make so much difference! Thank you again for being here!!

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  • I saw your post on Facebook through Christine and I have been in a toxic relationship the last 8 years and the last 3 have been off and on I had Brain surgery 3 years ago and he broke up with me while I was in the ICU and I think that was the beginning of the end. I started realizing how toxic he was and I really think that he made my recovery even harder. I went back and forth to him until these last few months. I’m so glad Christine posted this because I really could use some help and what you wrote has hit the mark. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh Rochelle…. while I am so happy to have you here, I am so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. There are very real – and sometimes long lasting – physical affects of being in an abusive relationship, and there is little doubt that the toxic nature delayed your healing. The biggest hurdle, the biggest challenge for so many, is to STOP all contact – all of it. All social media needs to be blocked, no emails, no texts, no phone calls – NOTHING. It is so hard to heal when there is even just ‘a little bit’ of contact – even if it is just LOOKING at their pictures on social media. Do everything in your power to dedicate your life 100 % to YOUR healing, and adjust your actions if you need to. There is nothing quite like getting through one of these relationships – but with time and hard work – WE CAN become even stronger through the process. Please, come visit often and see what might fit into where you are on the healing path. I am just so sorry for everything you’ve been through. ‘These people’ change our lives, but WE can reclaim our power. 🙂 Sending a gentle hug, and a big thank you for being here!

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      • Thanks L.A.

        I changed my phone number over 5 weeks ago and blocked him from everything then so I haven’t had any contact with him. I’m trying really hard to think about what I need I know it’s not selfish to take care of myself. My biggest thing is not to feel alone so I look forward to reading more from you. Thank you for doing what you are doing there are so many people out there that need help.❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Feel proud and STRONG Rochelle that you are already taking steps to ensure your safety, through blocking and changing your number. Healing is a process, and sometimes can feel like it is taking so so long, and it can…. You are NOT alone in this journey – for sure – so many of us here walking this same path. You are so welcome; it is my pleasure to share what I’ve learned…. and help support others who may need it. I posted something this morning – just now – that may help you also feel less alone. ❤ Sending a hug…. you will get through this.

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    • Integrity is the foundation of all we say, do, how we live, how we interact, and ‘should’ drive the choices we make. So, so true Rhonda!! Without integrity, we are NOT living well. Too many live in self-serving interests ONLY, forget about how actions and choices affect others. Integrity and TRUTH – you KNOW how I feel about these topics!!!! Thank you so much, for interacting with me here!!! 🙂

      Like

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