…. is an important attribute in a friend, wife, husband, partner, family member, or really anyone we have in our lives? One character trait, or theme actually, that has played out recently in my own life is ‘authenticity’. Or actually, the lack thereof.
Oh, how someone can ~pretend~ to ‘be all that’ and a bag of Hot Fries (to borrow a popular snack from today’s youth… regular chips are by far too mundane)! Oh, the pretense (cleverly hidden, of course). Oh, the ulterior motives (disguised as altruism, of course)! Oh, the backstabbing and malfeasance! Sigh…. it is enough to make anyone question the authenticity of nearly ANYONE!
Now, I’m not here to tell you who in your life IS, or is not authentic, but I am here to tell you it might pay to evaluate and consider the ‘iffy’ or ‘unstable’ relationships in your life (if you have any), carefully. Do you have anyone in your life you are just unsure about, but can’t quite pinpoint why? Is there someone with whom you spend time, only to find afterward you are mentally and emotionally drained? It just might be you are dealing with the inauthentic, or at least, someone who might not be on the same page with you (at best), or even someone who means you harm (at worst). Oh yes, they’re out there.
Here’s the deal though; WE choose who is in (or out) of our personal lives. Even with family members (oh, I know… those biological ties are STRONG, and so full of ‘obligation’!), friends who have seemed close for a time, acquaintances, neighbors, and on and on…. there can be people in our lives who are just, plain and simply stated, NOT good for us. So, why are they IN our lives? To what degree? This is the crux of OUR choice; indeed, the very consequence of our decisions.
It is never easy to evaluate when a relationship might be headed south. Uncom-fortable truths may need addressed, expectations may need modifying, and we may need to assess our OWN responsibility in any relationship. How do we do that? By simply LISTENING and honoring our experiences, our gut reactions, our feelings, emotions, and thoughts relative to any singular person in our lives. How BALANCED is the relationship; is there reciprocity in most areas? How strong are your boundaries, and are they respected? Are you feeling taken advantage of, however the pattern doesn’t seem to change (no matter how much you might be told differently)? If this is the case, with even ONE relationship in your life, you may have some work to do.
This is a start. This is where it ALL can begin for us…. the realization that something with someone is just not working. Yes, you’ve tried to talk about it, you’ve bargained, you’ve negotiated, you’ve tried to accept the nature of the relationship and perhaps even told yourself “It’s not all that bad”, or “Things aren’t as bad as they could be”. Time to stop that nonsense right here, and right now. Time to really be honest – AUTHENTIC – with yourself, and others. Time to assess, evaluate, and BE filled with and live with integrity – TO (and for) YOURSELF. This is where we Move Through, Into Thriving. This is where it all starts.
More to come on the following topics:
- Setting strong boundaries
- Living with authenticity
- Stop people pleasing behavior
- Codependent – are you?
- Feeling fear but moving forward anyway
- Toxic romantic relationships
- Toxic family relationships
- Toxic friendships
- Personality disorders
- Surviving abusive relationships
- Support and counseling options
- Much more!
Thank you for being here. It is a great pleasure to offer support, guidance, and encouragement for those who would like to learn how to move through (challenges, stress, difficult relationships, surviving abuse, creating coping strategies, understanding the relationship abuse cycle, even just ‘daily life’ difficulties, etc.) – into thriving. It can be done; I’m proof. Best, L.A.